Man, that George Lucas thinks of everything

 

I have spent breakfast for the past two days reading the illustrated Star Wars Character Encyclopedia with Isaac. And by “reading,” I mean watching as he flips through each page and asks, rapidfire, of each character, “Is that good guy or a bad guy, Mama?” I answer, he moves on. Life is simple.

For someone who’s seen only one of the six movies in its entirety and then promptly forgot all about it, I know a surprising amount about Star Wars, as it turns out. I mean, of course even I would get that Princess Leia is one of the good guys and the Darth Vader, not so much. But somewhere along the way I picked up (maybe from a McDonald’s commercial?) on the fact that Padmé Amidila is also one of the good, although I hadn’t quite cottoned on to the fact that she in fact spawned the wee twins Luke and Leia. With Anakin. And then it’s fairly clear that the guys in the Nazi-esque uniforms are probably bad (yes, I’m talking about you, Moff Jerjerrod, supervisor of the second Death Star). Certain bits of information have been force-fed to me ever since Rowan saw the movies a couple of summers ago. Nute Gunray, Neimoidian Viceroy? Bad guy. Palpatine? Ditto. Boba Fett? I knew without looking that he was a bounty hunter. (Although I learned only now that he is an exact genetic clone of Jango Fett, “who brings Boba up as a son.”)

LOOK AT ME KNOWING ALL ABOUT STAR WARS.

It’s crazy, the amount of detail that goes into all these characters’ back stories. I mean, who made this stuff up? Did George Lucas have an army of droids typing like 1000 monkeys at 1000 typewriters to come up with the fact that Balosars’ antennapalps are highly sensitive organs that operate at a subsonic level and appear to give them special powers of intuition? Or that Figrin D’an is a demanding bandleader who expects the best from his musicians, thus earning him the nickname “Fiery”— and that he’s a compulsive card shark? Was this important to the movies? Is this what they talk about at the conventions?

Isaac, meanwhile, has a more pressing question, to which I have not found answers to in this book:

“Mama? Where do storm troopers go to the toilet?”

“Hm,” I say. “I don’t know. Maybe just in regular toilets?”

“I think they have a toilet in their suit. A little toilet. And they go there, and they don’t feel the pee and the poo.”

Can anyone help us out, here? Because I bet there is an answer to this question somewhere in the bowels (ha ha) of Star Wars lore, and someone (not me) wants to get to the bottom (hee!) of it.

(Okay, off to get a life now.)